Gamer Reborn

Well theres no other way to say this other than I GOT AN XBOX 360, yeah yeah yeah to all those who have had one since they've been released SCREW YOU!

The story: (oh yes theres a story!)




A friend of mine, Mike, and I were sittin down in my room watching the elite of shitty movies Suburban Commando (OH HELL YEAH!) Sooooo many good quotable things from that movie but anyways...after the crazy cool end credits music ceased. My door opened and a voice called to me, "Scoots, come on up here." The moment that had been slowly creeping its way towards me, my birthday. As me and Mike came up the stairs, I saw the traditional birthday circle happening and so I assumed the position where everyone was around me. And then the song began, after hearing the "Dying Choir" sing (sister & friends) My ma came on over and gave me a card. Inside was mass of money, I lifted the cash up and read the card. Then I saw it. Everyone had signed it except for my brother. I looked at ma and I was about to say something when then I stopped myself. I didn't want to make things worse. So I hugged my ma and then I counted the money, $400 dollars worth. I looked at Mike and asked "Wanna go to Monte?" He said "Sure." So we hopped in my car and drove off.

The feeling in the car was mixed. I was nervous, happy...shit estatic! Mike and I did the usual talk about music and how everyone views music in this age. After an intense talk of music we finally approached the town. We pulled into the parking lot of Wal-Mart and we made our way inside. As we walked in I said to Mike "Lets go somewhere where none of us have been in forever in this store." and just like that, his head and mine looked towards the shoe corner. After spending time in the corner deciding on either to get a friend of ours some Nascar Racing shoelaces or not. We made our way to electronics and purchased the beast. Literally the thing is a beast! Twas fuckin heavy! We went back out to the car and made our ways to go to McDonalds. How can you not go to McDonalds after expierencing such joy. We then drove around the town of Montevideo and the outskirts of Montevideo. We also tried to classify when the houses of Montevideo were built, amongst doing that we ran into the most friendly people ever just coasting down the street. An old man looked at us and gave us the peace sign. An old lady with her german sheppard waved to us with the utmost glee in her face. We then started our way back to Granite.

We made our way back to the Q, and had some ice cream. (Golden Arches then Ice Cream...BADASS!) The day was coming to an end. Mike went home. I went back to my lair. Connected the beast to my entertainment center. I didn't have any X360 games. I looked around to only find my copy of Halo 1. Just like 5 years ago.

(Flashback) My mom was walking up to the hotel room with me. The hotel was located just outside of Minneapolis. I loved it, the feeling of being in a thriving place. I miss being around up there (reality comment), (back to flashback) I knocked on the hotel room door. I heard the door handle come down and there was Jon. "Hey! How was the concert?" he asked as we walked in. "It was alright, kinda boring, so we left."
"Oh well, thats too bad you better get ready for bed Scoots." Ma left the room back to her own hotel room.
I looked to the clock it read "8:49" I looked at Jon and said "Huh?"
"Well we got a big day and all you know...like going back home."
I was still confused. "Ok, I guess I'll go to bed then." I lifted the pillows and there it was. The Xbox gaming system, with a copy of Halo, and two controllers. I turned at my brother and gave him the biggest smile. The first time I actually hugged my brother. Me and him sat up till 9 in the morning playing Halo, check out time was at 11 A.M. (if anyone wants to know how the rest of the story goes, leave a comment and I'll put the rest on here)

(Back to present time)
I looked at the 360, popped in Halo, and as corny as this sounds. I actually missed not having my brother there with me, to play it again. I sat up till the early morning hours of the next day until I beat Halo once again.

I went to sleep.

(The Next Day)
The next day it was the same old stuff, wake up, work, nap. After I woke up from my nap I called up a friend of mine to see if he'd want to come hang out with me. And so we did, we drove around town, and talked of the good ol "Super House" days. The 5 years ago days. He finally said to me "Here Scoots" and then he gave me my first X360 game. Perfect Dark Zero. I damn near screamed. The game I had been wanting since its first planning stages on Xbox. Now was finally in my hands. After hangin out with the Clizzouse and droppin him off. I went home and here I am now. So folks I'm gonna go play some Perfect Dark Zero and let me say this it will be "DYNAMITE!!!!" (d-_-b)

""

Look into those eyes
Listen to the words
Sounds like a million goodbyes
So sad, its only going to get worse
Use all thats beneficial
Or it could just be viewed as superficial
Too many times I've heard
"Thats absurb!"
When in all actuality
I'm in reality
Whereas you are off cookin up a plan
Only to ask yourself this "Where do I stand?"

NoIR (ACT I-VI+Epilogue__)

The past seven passages are supposed to be read in order bottom to top.

Epilogue

"Would you like a ball with your fish?"

"What?"

"Would you like a ball with your fish?"

I wake up.

A New Light

Now.

Dig.

Eat.

Sleep.

Live.

Through the horrible times.
I see the light.
I feel the warmth.
It welcomes me.

Now that I'm on my own.
I've found ways to make it all so great.
Sure, some are gonna be against it.
All I'm gonna say is "You don't have to be here..."
Finished with everything.
Clocked out at 5.
No over-time.
I have too much of that.
We stand at the top of these rooftops.
Screaming at each other.
I'll know when my times up.
When everything is done.
And when I can finally go home and sleep.
At least I can say, "I marked my time and...Hey...I tried."

Fury Growing

(See Beginning Blog Entries "Beginning Of My Insanity, Striding Towards Destruction, A Talk To Remember")

At this time period.
I was expierencing one hell of a life changing time for myself.
For the better I'd like to add.
At this time, they pushed me away.
Said this and that.
But really it didn't make a difference.
I was growing up.
Sure I had the toys, but I didn't have enough.
And sure enough, I payed my price for it.

Chains

I was schackeled in for a long time.
Jeez, it went by fast.
They all loved to hear it.
Then to turn a cold shoulder to me.
I'm sorry.
I should have kicked myself in the ass.
Don't feed me your false sympathy
I'll give you the truth.
Everything is dead.
So now ya'll welcome me to a town called...
"Hypocrisy."

Faded Ideas

I came to everyone hoping to find someone with ideas.
People that had their own beliefs and could hear mine.
I stumpled across a group of people.
At first, I was a regular at their events.
Some of them had me pegged to be their "love child" of ideas.
At first I thought "This is cool!" (@.@)
As time went on I began to change and say "Uhhh" (>,<)
They gave me anger.
They gave me hate.
They drove a semi on top of my beliefs.
Shot me down before I even left the hangar.
I was stuck.
They had me in a bind where if I left.
They took it personal.
A living memory of being chained down.
Of being cluttered, confused, and not happy.

Lone in Loneliness

At first it was great.
The times seemed like they'd never go away.
Then one day.
He left.
So I was left here with my other "bro"
We made the best of what we had.
Pretty soon though
He'd leave me too.
I was left there all alone.
No one to go to with my thoughts.
Or To hear some crazy ideas.

I began my loneliness period.

Day after day, I was seeking something greater.
Something that could help me through the day.

I needed them yet they weren't enough.
I try to craft them into what I'd been used to.
I fail.
I give up.
I dwell even deeper into loneliness.

Each day that passed I stood there in the doorway looking to the sky.
Hoping that one day it would all be ok.
I realize the reality of it, they wouldn't becoming back.
I had to make it my own.

O

I was always the lonely kid.
In the back, with my mouth closed.
But with my eyes & ears open.
Listening to everything.
I never really belonged to anything.
I knew people, but there was no strong feeling.
Like I was there because I was trying to keep myself up.
I was alone.
Luckily I met a certain person.
We would play all day.
Play & live each day like it was our last.
Time passed.
Another person entered my life.
We formed a brotherhood that attracted others.
We made something of ourselves.

Hitman Name

Johnny Tight Lips People Iced: Thirty Three Car Bombs Planted: Fifteen Favorite Weapon Bottle Rockets Arms Broken: Thirty Two Eyes Gouged: Twenty Nine Tongues Cut Off: Three Biggest Enemy: Joey Diamonds Get Your HITMAN Name

Generation Z?

Whats the next generation gonna be? Because generation X was marked the lazy generation. The generation after that was generation Y, which this site is a product of. A generation of kids growing up questioning authority. A generation growing up on public internet access, no longer just for scientists. Some say this generation started right after the Chernobyl incident. Some say it started as soon as the internet became widely accessable. My only question is what is the next generation gonna be? When will it begin? How life changing will it be? The beginning digital age finally maturing.

Return of The Quizzes!

You scored as Outgoing. You outgoing and you have a very friendly personality. Outgoing 100% Nice 69% Fun 63% Shy 50% Immature 44% Dramatic 19% mean 0% what kind of person are you? (shy,outgoing,fun,mean,immature,dramatic or nice?) created with QuizFarm.com

Today I Turned My Radio On

The piano standing there black and solid. Bold would be the adjective best to describe it. It speaks so softly and yet it has a powerful message with each note played. Yet the piano can be joyfully played to create such a fun and happy time. With each passing minute of the piano played, an emptyness is no longer present. The room glorifies and becomes a place of aura. I look to my left and my right. I see that everything is all right. Everything is back where it belongs. The piano speaks to everyone in its own way.

The Bass & Drums

They stand there looking at each other, they know what they gotta do. They gotta keep things a rollin. The bass allows the deep sound to escape from his/her fingers. The bassist stands with a smile and a message beneath the surface. The drummer keeps the beat groovin and movin. The drums controls the beat of it all, controls the pace of mood and how extreme the feelings can get.

The Guitar

Much like the piano, the guitar is an object that can best release emotion. It can sing so heavenly and then become so dark. Altering its pitches to best capture emotion. The guitarist/s stand with their hidden message within the sound of each string being struck.

The Vocals

In charge of humanly displaying a song's message, the vocalist/s voices are so atuned and so filled with meaning, hence why they become so memorable. Often vocalists find a way to come out and present a meaning with in another life topic. Money, Politics,Friendship, Sports, Popular Activites... are just a few topics in life that many people across the globe partake in and often excel in. The vocalist tells a story and also brings meaning.

High Road

I know its getting old.
But I'm not puttin this shit on because of its beat.
No.
Look at the meaning.
I'm not here to suade anyone to start listening to hip-hop, in fact I dislike most hip-hop/rap.


"High Road"

Lets go ya'll

These people are running off at the mouth
Tryin to convince me that I'm running on empty
Tryin to convince themselves that the record with Jay was a fluke
That the record that I'm makin is a mistake
and I cant take this
Lemme tell you where I'm at with this
You bastards are gonna have to take back that shit
I'm not plastic and fake
When I make tracks I take facts and lay them out for the masses
You assholes are gonna see soon that I'm not playin
Start askin me the names that I'm not sayin
But I'm tryin to be bigger than the bickerin
bigger than the petty name callin
under the breath talkin
rumors and labels and categorization
I'm like a struggling doctor, No patients
But you can say what you want about me
keep talkin while I'm walkin away

You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
I'm taking the high road going above you
this is the last time that I'm gonna trust you
You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
all that bullshit you talk might work a lot
but it's not gonna work today

You people are running off at the mouth
Tryin to make me take myself off safety
Tryin to make my friends turn their backs on the team we built
buildin up some mistaken information
and I cant take this
lemme spell it out plain for you
angry groups complain about the things we do
im not changing direction, I'm stepping my game up
Maintainin my name, the same way I came up
You're gonna see that I'm not playin
start asking the names that I'm not sayin
but im tryin not to mention the names of people who wanna sight and attention
You like the hype but pretendin you're part of the picture wont pass
You're like a high school dropout, no class
You can say what you want about me
keep talkin while i'm walkin away bitch

You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
I'm taking the high road going above you
this is the last time that I'm gonna trust you
You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
all that bullshit you talk might work a lot
but it's not gonna work today

Why does it always have to be
Somebody's always watching me
All I really need is some room to breathe
Is anybody out there listening?
Cuz I cant stand to keep this in
All I really want, I'll say it again

You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
I'm taking the high road going above you
this is the last time that I'm gonna trust you
You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
all that bullshit you talk might work a lot
but it's not gonna work today

Sleep

For too long I've been awake
Staying up and listening to all that "noise"
Hearing everyone's stories
I just wanna sleep
Sleep a whole year
And then some more
I see their downfalls
I see their pleas
I hear their calls
I hear their screams
I just wanna sleep
Dream my dream
There in my own dream
In my dreams, I see things clearly
Even though its imagined in my mind
It feels so heavenly
But its all a matter of time
I just wanna sleep
I don't even have to dream
I just want to sleep
Hurt my body in all the positions I sleep in
Too bad its not gonna happen
But I suppose I can dream.

WTF!?!?

(See Title)

Think

(sigh)
(sigh)
I don't know how to begin.
But eh here we go...

Why do they always think the worst
I mean it could be worse,i could be in a herse.
Thinkin about all of this and that
Its really stupid and outta wack
They all look at me differently
Even though they think different subconciously
I became so lost in their train of thought
I didn't realize what I had just got
Nothing more than a pity act
C'mon I know you're better than that
Could have it your way
But all you wanna do is push me away

The Hard Way

Come with me
Let me walk in through the world that I currently stay in
You can take a look around and tell me if I’m mistaken
You can even talk to everybody that I live with
Maybe you could tell me why everybody’s so distant
Is it me or maybe, when I look around daily
I don’t even know the people I can put my trust in lately
People that I used to hang with now their actin’ to different
I’m still the same person why doesn’t anybody listen
Can somebody please just explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we’d be
Right now I dunno why I push through the pain that I got through
And I’m losin’ hope

[chorus]
Deafening voices
That frequency inside my head that says
I’m going at it the hard way I focus
Get everything inside out of my brain that claims
I’m going at it the hard way

Come with me
Let me walk in through the world that I currently live in
Not a thing is forgotten, not a thing is forgiven
Nobody can hold their own underneath the weight but
Nobody can take the blame for their own mistakes so
What do you do when somebody lets you down
And you wanna say something but you can’t cause their not around
Inside you think they know the extent of the pain
But they won’t even admit that they were the one to blame
Can somebody please just explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we’d be
Cause right now I dunno why I push through the pain that I got through
And I’m losin’ hope

Voices in my head

Can somebody please just explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we’d be
Right now I dunno why I push through the pain that I got through
And I’m losin’ hope, give me one reason not to

[chorus]

An extraordinary song from FM, written by M. Shinoda

Unce! (Older Post)

Can you feel that? (All right!)
Do you hear that? (Huh!?)
Shake all about (Wha!?)

C'mon now (Get a movin!)
You need it (Start Grovin!)
This is all very true (You need it)

I need this too! (Oh yeah!)
Feel that grove! (Uhh!)
Move to the beat! (It's good for you)

So move on and keep groovin!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Feel this groove? (ah!)
Make your move (all right!)
It'll be all good (Uh!)

Dance into the night
Forget all that shite
And remember who you are

Old Times

Sit down with two of your friends and you flip on the massive television and fire up the box.
Just when you turn on the console you suddenly hear "Serious side affects are prolonged erection."
Look at your friends and then at the TV and then let it all come out.
All the pent up laughter, and the lack of fun just suddenly go away.

The feeling has wallowed
Feel a feeling like no tomorrow.

A Gathering

I've put so must trust in everyone.
And now I know the other side.

I smile.
I get up from the poker table.
And turn when all of a sudden I hear "Hey!....."
I turn, "What?"
"You were cheatin....." He says
"Prove it." I say
He does nothing.
Everyone looks at him and then at me.
I approach him.
WAM! I crush his face with the force from my fist.
He lies there bleeding and holding his face.
Everyone looks at me.
I look at them.
The smell in the air is of unrooted hate.
I was there tryin to have a fun time.
Trying to preserve what I used to love.
They can have it.
All of it.
Because of this new "unrooted hate" has overtaken most of them.
I grab my coat.
I look back at him, lying on the ground.
My most trusted friend at one point.
Now trying to mess up what had been so great.
"How do you all feel? .....great? happy? relieved?" I ask putting a hand on the door handle, looking back at them.
No one replys.
They look away from me.
"I'm finished, I'm done, when he grows a set (points), and when you all decide to have some god forsaken fun! (sarcasim intended) everything will be ok again, when all of you are done with your childish actin and wanna have some fun, thats when I'll come back. But for now, stay the hell away from me, don't try to dilute me anymore like you've all tried to do so many times."
Someone is tugging on my coat.
I don't even look back.
I walk out into the snowy black night.
Open the door to my car.
I fire it up.
I shift into drive and look back at window.
I can see 3 of them looking at me.
I start my way home.

Gone

I've had it with you
Tired of being the only one who is true
Let me fall into the cracks & crevices
Where you won't see me.
Until I go and fuck up your foundation.
Go on, deal with your troubles
I got mine
Lets divide
I'm good enough on my own
I don't wanna see anyone piss & moan
I'll be right where I've always been, singin my own song

But its all gone...
With that old feelin
Feels like a burden
With all that's fallen
But its all gone...
With that old feelin
Feels like a burden
With all that's fallen...


I've always seen you in a different light.
They've always lableled you as the blight.
I see through that.
Even so, its still a thwack to the back.
Makes me go outta wack.
I hang around the home.
Cause I feel so alone.
I'll be right where I've always been, singin my own song.

But its all gone...
With that old feelin
Feels like a burden
With all that's fallen...
But its all gone...
With that old feelin
Feels like a burden
With all that's fallen...

I say "I'm done with this."
Its gonna be pure bliss.
I'm sorry for you
Still in all of that.
Its gonna come back
But I'll be gone

But its all gone...
With that old feelin
Feels like a burden
With all that's fallen...
But its all gone...
With that old feelin
Feels like a burden
With all that's fallen...

A Generation Skipped

My kind.
I was placed into this generation.
Meant to be that one that makes your CD skip.
Go ahead and try make a quick fix.
But really I'm gonna be there messin up your shit.
For everyone even those lonely old hicks.
When actually its the other way around.
You mess up my shit.
My life.
My thoughts.
My heart.
My beliefs.
My style.

Sometimes I just wanna sit and look at it all.
Watch myself go to the window and take a big fall.
Crash on to the cement.
They must think I'm demented.

I'm stuck here, with nothin in mind
But yet I'm always in a bind.
Trying to find the time.
To go and make it all so sublime.
But there you stand, shout at me.
Tellin me what to be.
Its ok.
Go for it.
I'll live to see the next day.
But how about you?

A Talk To Remember

I had been left there in the open plains with the dark sky overhead.
I had lost it all.
I had begun my exile once again.
I still remained there knees in the ground, tears streaming down my face.
A hand touched my shoulder.
I looked over to see who it was.
It was my oldest and most dearest friend.
I had not seen him for a long time now.
He said to me "How's it goin?"
I wiped the tears from my face.
I said to Brad, "Man, I've lost..."
"No, you didn't, you just learned how to express how you feel about things, its ok, I've had to let go of a lot of things." He said that with a coolness to his voice.
I stood there and I felt like my mind had been blown away.
He was true.
I needed to remember who I am.
I needed to let go of it all.
Cut my losses.
So I have done just that.
And now we'll see how that goes.
"You can exist with them, but don't get involved, Don't hold onto something that hurts you Scoots."
He showed me the town.
He showed me his pain.
He showed me his renewed self.
He inspired me to become like that.

***Song That Spoke Miles Upon Miles Upon Me***
Fort Minor "Where'd You Go?"

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.

She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself tryna stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me when I feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbeque up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Hallowe'en with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once in a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
Anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find you have somethin' to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For while you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you'll can sing it...

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

Striding Towards Destruction

I walk forth.
Blindly forth.
Into a mass of mayhem & self-destruction.
I am...
Consumed.
Blind.
Turned Vile.
Suaded.
Hated.
I look at whats in front of me.
They stand and scream my name.
I walk through them.
Ignoring them.
I'm about to reach my self-detonation.
But I hear an old voice.
I turn and see.
I instantly turn and run past the ones I walked through.
I stumble along the way and scream "WAIT! NO DON'T GO!"
The familiar shadow-voiced figure is gone.
I fall to the ground, right on my knees.
I look away towards the ground, tears coming down my face.
The sky turns black.
The stars are burning in the sky's darkness.
I stay there under the dark sky.
With my pain.
Saying "Once again...."

The Beginning Of My Insanity

It begins.
My period of personal hell.
I'm drained.
Hopeless.
Beaten.
Used.
Abused.
Now I feel the pain.
In my eyes.
In my head.
In my heart.
I look to the sky and see that same shade of grey.
Everyday.