...?

More you want?
I've given you all I have
The only thing you left me was my soul
And let me tell you
You sure as hell left it lonely and beaten
The wounds are just now healing
The marks are visible
I know you can see them
With your deadly vision
You've taken my style
You've taken my senses
All but my soul
Yet you want more...

My body aches for something new
Pains in my side
Demented thoughts in my head
Where'd these come from?
Did you leave these here when you had my style?
Here take your shit and go
Let me lay here
The last thing I need is a relapse
Oh wait I already know the first steps
...Drink plenty of fluids
Get rest
Stay inside....

You have nothing now?
No reply?
Why the silence?
....?

Sanctum

Puddles on the cold floor
The fluorescent lighting illumanting
Smells from the sewer linger
My hands tremble
The washing machine turns & churns
Fluids fill up the hole in the floor
My home
No matter the struggle outside
I always find the cold, to be pure
To fill me up
Lonely, yet not
Scared, yet proud
Thinking, yet staring
Staring into the cracks in the walls
Wonder if they'll ever shatter
And crush me from under them

(Fade out....)

"This place, it just feels different."

"Who really cares..."

"I know, I just want to feel like I'm at home again"

"Look at it like this, what did you have from the old home?"

"I had.....my room"

"You still do, just now you're in a new place"

"Yeah you're right, I just wanna.....feel...you know what I'm sayin..."

"Well Cochise, you do that on your time; I'm here just for a little bit"

(Smile)

"Well my time is up, a new beginning is waiting here for you, go on and keep it up, you'll be suprised with what you find."

"Maybe its just my own mind playing tricks with me..."

"Oh no, never, your mind is aware of what its doing, subconcisouly that is, but in your conscious state, you're a wreck, go with the flow, but have fun."

"...I will"

The world seems like a blur when bewilderment strikes you in your dreams.

Through the door
I go
Do I see my end?
Do I see a new beginning?
Either way
I'm prepared
For too long
I've been like this
I felt a little bit like me the other day
Although
Fear is death, living death
Overconfidence = arrogance
So where is the line?
But, I have to say
Is there anyway back once that line is crossed

15 Years

For fifteen years I was quiet
Held back
Seen as a mute
Locked in by the very ones I loved
Until
A new person entered into my life
He changed the way those I cherished
Swayed my god against me
Such a damn child
How long is the question
How long can I stay quiet?
Will the pain be quick?

Zero Hour
15 years of rage
15 years of tears
15 years of deception
15 years of an abused mind
Explode at once
Punching the walls
Ripping apart my memories
I closed the door
And closed the shutters
Took a seat on the floor
And layed their and prayed
That one day "I'll be back"
...Pain...

One year later
It seems like I'm coming back
Opening the door slightly
Just to see whats outside my door
Its too bright
My eyes have become used to seeing darkness
Finding my way
Numb
Just like a credit card company they come at me
Wanting me to sign up with them; I accept without looking in my own wallet
Seems like I'm not quite yet ready to pay
But why does it hurt so?
Shaken by minor things
Renown for my abilites
Becoming I
Events outsides the home, now overtaking me
Social Butterfly, exactly what I've become
From dead maggot to beautiful butterfly
To good to be true
Just like any credit card deal
My wings (Mind)
Ripped apart and left in the open plains
Quivering from the pain
I can't even close the door

......
Winds blow
My remains lay in defeat
I accept
I become part of the earth
Once again
Acceptance
What a bitch to agree with
Where am I now?
Do I even know?
These lights
Smells new and unknown
Intresting
Distance is now my best friend
I realize the puzzle before me
Combined with elements of moral understanding
I walk this path before me now
Rebuilding as I make my way
Through this maze I find

Memories
Old intrests
Warmth
Light

I come into view of the door to this labryinth
I grasp the door handle
Electricty inside my body; fluxuates
The tumblers fall to my grip on the door handle
As I twist; memories far & distant return
Reinventing the way I think
I open the door to find
A new shade
Darkness & Light linger in equilibrium

Through torment & agony
Through deception & lies
Through myself

I say "I'm back."

EWAH!!!! (I^)

We're gonna go and overcome!!!
EWAH!!!!!
Fight the non-veraicoius ones!!!
EWAH!!!!
EYAAAAH!!!
Feed ourselves this pleasurable feeling!!!
EYAH!!!!

Or are we to fall?
EWAH!!!

(Thats the warrior spirit!!!)

Claim the King's Throne!!
EWAH!!!
Sit and stare upon the peasants, feel their own individualism dwindle away under his control. Changing their personal appearances to please the King. I see this King, most believe and trust this King with our lives. He fills people with dreams & hopes as long as you surrender your finances & personal ambitions. The King sucks all of them dry, leeching if you will. I alone, will chase away this leech with my poisonus smoke. My inner-self will kill this King. I'll be the one to sneak up and strike him in the back. He will fall.

I now find out there are more like I, wanting to chase this King out. Destroy him and all of his power. Take back what we had, before he came to power. Some question how he came to be. Simple. He needs to find the key to popularity....which is conformity. He amends to all the ways of the masses and thats when it happens. When he steals your tea & biscuits. When all of the people under this King; need something more. They need dreams, not false-draining hopes. Through dreams they will find their once lost ambitions. Which will be the fuel for bringing individualism back into the shells of these people; which then they will be able to breathe how they want. Look how they want, pay the toll if they please. That is the world we need. The world that can be restored.

A Scream Only To Become A Whisper

Tiny splinters are in your soul (and they remain there)
++
Darkest life in the deepest hole (you sit and pray there)
--
**

All the deals from the things you've done (you wouldn't ever work for)
What you thought was so much fun (you have to pay for)

----

Kingdom Hearts Character

You scored as Sora. You are Sora. You are the chosen holder of the keyblade, and a damn good swordsman at that. Your light is strong, and your heart is pure. Don't ever turn to the darkness. Sora 100% King Mickey 83% Riku 67% Donald 67% Goofy 67% Yuffie 33% Sephiroth 33% Ansem 0% Which Kingdom Hearts Character are you? (pics) created with QuizFarm.com

These quizzes, I tell ya, damn addictive. But on another sidenote, I finally started playing Kingdom Hearts II and HOT DAMN that is a bad-ass game!!!

Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake

Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake - 1999

With the frigid relationships between USA and Russia and China and Russia thawing, the nations lead to the settling down of local conflicts, and the world is finally beginning to neutralize.

It is 1999, the nuclear threat of this century is leaving us, and we are ready to welcome the new stable 21st century.

However, a fraction of the populace does not accept this peace...

In the Middle East, a breeze of unstableness is blowing. Zanzibar Land, a small republic just next to Russia, China and the Arab nations, founds a military government.

It raids "Nuclear Arms for Disposal Storage" sites around the world and robs weapons that were still not disposed of, making it the sole nuclear-armed nation in the world, and begins non-discriminate invasions of nearby countries.

In a world which disposes of nuclear employment, Zanzibar Land's nuclear power is becoming a real emergency. A nuclear threat is budding once again.

At the same time, oil resources are quickly growing scarce. Despite the foretelling that they would last more than 30 years, the world is facing a serious energy source crisis with no alternative supply to oil.

Then, a Czech biologist named Kio Marv invents a micro specimen - "OILIX", which rectifies high-quality oil.

The world is once again in a tension regarding "OILIX". Dr. Marv is kidnapped by Zanzibarian radicals on his trip from Czechoslovakia to America. Zanzibar Land is trying to gain its military superiority through nuclear arms and "OILIX".

...A micro-organism the size of a few micrometers is going to decide the fate of the world.

A top-secret order goes down to Solid Snake, former Foxhounder.

"Single-handedly sneak into Zanzibar Land, and rescue Dr. Kio Marv!"

Snake must now rescue the doctor and take out a new, more poweful Metal Gear.

Snake single-hendedly sneaks into Zanzibar and runs across and old "friend."

Big Boss is back and he has brought a new Metal Gear with him.

Boss, this time showing fear from Snake leaves him to deal with Metal Gear and the remaining Zanzibarian troops.

Snake destroys the Metal Gear and narrowly escapes the exploding Zanzibarian fortress via helecopter.

It is unknown wheter or not Big Boss survived this encounter as well.

He is victorious once more and decideds on a normal life, one away from the military...

He retires to a far away cabin near the Twin Lakes area of the Alaskan mountains. Here he learns that he is suffering Post-Tramatic-Stress-Disorder (PTSD) as a result of his recent missions. This results in flashbacks and other mental anguish. Because of this, Snake gets into huskie racing in order to limit his condition. Snake is preparing for a 1049 mile sleigh race between Anchorage and Nome when he get's a call from former Foxhound commander, Roy Cambell...

Metal Gear Snake's Revenge

Snake's Revenge - Somewhere between 1995 and 1999

Snake is called into action once again...

This time, a man by the name of Higharolla Kockamamie has captured a large sum of nuclear weapons.

He plans on using them to take control of the world.

Snake suspectes that Kockamamie may be another Big Boss alias. He has a sneaking suspicion that Big Boss survived the Outer Heaven encounter.

He gathers a huge army, like never before seen, to guard his "Fortress Fanatic."

Foxhound, now under the command of Roy Cambell, sends Snake and two comrades.

John Turner,(J.T.) of the Air Forces super-secretive intelligence.

And, Commando Nick "La Bomba" Myer, the explosives expert and leader of the Nitroglycerin Division at Foxhound.

They invade the Fortress Fanatic and defeat Kockamamie. Unfortunatly, for Snake, Big Boss is not involved in this terrorist activity.

They destroy the second Metal Gear threat.

Sometime after this, Snake leaves Foxhound for an early retirement.

Metal Gear

Metal Gear - 1995

200km north of Salzburg, deep in South Africa.

Outer Heaven...

An armed fortress was taken control of in the late 1990s by a mercenary named General Vernon CaTaffy...

Top secret information was intercepted...

Inside the fortress a weapon would lie. A weapon that could change the face of earth warfare as we knew it...

Orders were sent to the hi-tech informal squad Foxhound, and Command sent a merc named "Grey Fox," to infiltrate and acquire more information about the weapon.

The operation was given the codenname: "INTRUDE N313".

However, a few days later, contact with Grey Fox was broken after an urgent but short message, "...metal gear..."

Government superiors found this crucial, and again ordered Foxhound into action, leaving all their hopes in the mercenary, "Solid Snake".

Snake single-handedly snuck into Outer Heaven, contacting resistance members such as Schneider, Jennifer and Diane. With their help, he rescued the captive Grey Fox. He learned from Fox about the nuclear-mounted heavy walking tank called, "Metal Gear". Outer Heaven was going to win military superiority using this "Metal Gear."

Snake rescued an Eastern scientist, Dr. Petrovich Madnar, who was the developer of Metal Gear. Madnar was kidnapped by the enemy and was being used to reform their base with modern technology. Snake also rescued the doctor's daughter Ellen, and from Petrovich, he learned the weaknesses of Metal Gear, and how to destroy it.

However, the closer Snake came to finding out the vital truth of the whole operation, the more cunning were the traps he had to overcome.

It was as if all his actions were being leaked into enemy acknowledgment...

Schneider, who was the leader of the resistance, fell into enemy hands. Snake, vows to avenge Schnieder's death against the enemy.

Finally, Snake reached the Metal Gear and destroyed it...

Surprisingly, the general commander of Foxhound was waiting for him...

The man responsible for mission N313 was Big Boss.

From the very beginning, Big Boss used Snake as a pawn for his own evil deeds.

He had jammed all vital information that Snake had sent to Foxhound. They knew nothing!

Big Boss had controlled Outer Heven under the alias of "Vernon CaTaffy" in order to trick Foxhound.

In the 100th floor underground, with no dogmas nor policies involved, a battle between the two men raged...

And Snake left only the smoldering remains of Outer Heaven behind him.

Dreams

The following post is written to help me keep track of my dreams, as well as to entertain whoever is out there. Enjoy.

Dream 1: I'm driving with 3 friends of mine. It seems as if we are heading to Shakopee for some reason. We came across a hotel I used to stay at when I was younger, the Super 8 hotel in Shakopee. We unloaded our bags and went to the room. I remember everyone else was down at the pool having fun, except me. I was doing some computer work. I seemed stressed out and then my friend came up and hugged me. After that I woke up.

After expierencing dream 1, I woke up in the same position I always have when I wake up in when I have crazy dreams. Cocooned in my own blankets. I woke up and looked at the clock 4:13

I went back to sleep.

Dream 2: (Forward) This next dream is a bit more suspense filled, reminds me of the movie Signs. But Anyways....
Dream 2 starts off with me seeing this family just doing ordinary house work/farm work when all of a sudden there is a crash in the midst of their corn fields. I remember seeing the family figures running back into their houses and locking everything up. Here's where it becomes like a movie cross, between Signs & The Thing. The way these aliens "overcame" was by inducing a stinger like thing to peoples necks. But they also had a very simple down fall and that was something like pepper. Once again upon waking, cocoon state.

Dream 3: (Forward) This dream reminds me of being in New Mexico, with all the crazy mountains. In this dream, it was me, Kevin Bacon, and Emilo Estevez just out running cross country across the rugged terrain of New Mexio or somewhere like that. Kevin Bacon brought his music and so he was sorta of like the "loner." Emilo was always ahead of me. The only significant I remember about this dream was that I was trying to climb up this incline and I remember I stopped to rest but I ended up falling asleep (in dream). I almost lost balance when Emilo shook up me. I wonder what woulda happened if I'd fallen? Hmmm. I remember climbing up top. Then I woke up.
This time when I woke up, I woke with my one leg off my bed, my head in the frame, and one arm under me, the other in the frame.

I don't know the significance of noting the sleeping patterns, but somewheres I read that you should remember how you wake up.