15 Years

For fifteen years I was quiet
Held back
Seen as a mute
Locked in by the very ones I loved
Until
A new person entered into my life
He changed the way those I cherished
Swayed my god against me
Such a damn child
How long is the question
How long can I stay quiet?
Will the pain be quick?

Zero Hour
15 years of rage
15 years of tears
15 years of deception
15 years of an abused mind
Explode at once
Punching the walls
Ripping apart my memories
I closed the door
And closed the shutters
Took a seat on the floor
And layed their and prayed
That one day "I'll be back"
...Pain...

One year later
It seems like I'm coming back
Opening the door slightly
Just to see whats outside my door
Its too bright
My eyes have become used to seeing darkness
Finding my way
Numb
Just like a credit card company they come at me
Wanting me to sign up with them; I accept without looking in my own wallet
Seems like I'm not quite yet ready to pay
But why does it hurt so?
Shaken by minor things
Renown for my abilites
Becoming I
Events outsides the home, now overtaking me
Social Butterfly, exactly what I've become
From dead maggot to beautiful butterfly
To good to be true
Just like any credit card deal
My wings (Mind)
Ripped apart and left in the open plains
Quivering from the pain
I can't even close the door

......
Winds blow
My remains lay in defeat
I accept
I become part of the earth
Once again
Acceptance
What a bitch to agree with
Where am I now?
Do I even know?
These lights
Smells new and unknown
Intresting
Distance is now my best friend
I realize the puzzle before me
Combined with elements of moral understanding
I walk this path before me now
Rebuilding as I make my way
Through this maze I find

Memories
Old intrests
Warmth
Light

I come into view of the door to this labryinth
I grasp the door handle
Electricty inside my body; fluxuates
The tumblers fall to my grip on the door handle
As I twist; memories far & distant return
Reinventing the way I think
I open the door to find
A new shade
Darkness & Light linger in equilibrium

Through torment & agony
Through deception & lies
Through myself

I say "I'm back."