Haze

"Knowledge bowl is like A.A for all masterbaters..."

Since saturday (or friday) I've been sick with a head cold, plugged ears, etc.

I feel like utter shit.

I am glad to actually be writing something but i'm saddened for the reason why I am even near a computer with internet access.

Saturday (or friday night...) was fun, I mean if I actually wasn't sick I bet I could of attempted to belt out the lyrics to Interpol and Rage Against the Machine.

It's been a long time since I had fun, since summer days.

When you take too much dosage of Robitussin, things turn hazy. I literally layed in my bed looking through the sky-lights for like half an hour! To move only creates more pressure in my head. My voice is shattered, people right next to me can barely hear me.

I had TGI Fridays last night, was good.

I picture your face in the back of my eyes,
A fire in the attic, a proof of the prize,
Anna Molly

Today, another ride to the VA Hospital, to see papa smurf dying and getting weaker each day. Another bullshit conversation with her and with him.

I really wish this was January and not Christmas.
Chirstmas for the gardner/blue crew is going to be at my uncle earnie's house.

Uncle Earnie just got out of prison 2 years ago.
The man has killed people so I always wonder "what if I don't shake his hand just right." Or I drink to much pepsi and wet the bed.

But on the other hand, they do own like a bunch load of cats and dogs and other animals that I deem cute and/or cool looking. (hahah yeah cool looking...)

My friend Keith is coming to visit me during Christmas break. That'll be good. And how I look forward to 24 hours of a "Christmas Story."

I could keep going with these two or three liners but i'm off to go hop in the shower so i'm Audi 5000!

Aeliot/Scoots

do you like the way the water tastes
like gunfire
for you but you could never say
then come forth cuz its coming round
round the water

beware the water

These past posts after Cherry Waves are from an old notebook of mine I started in the 8th grade. Which I know they don't make sense because at the time I didn't know any of the English ways of writing. So I am here posting my old notebooks posts and having a blast doing it. There will be more to come. Enjoy!

So now..

So now...

So now I realize
The truth of my place in this group
I see the end inching further and further

Bait me in using the Geek "call"
Random invitations
Acknowledge another player

\\\Rewind before me

I see you watching yourselves
Becoming Pseudo free
Seeking Pseudo-enlightenment
In a fucking video game!?
See an opportunity, rape it till it doesn't move\\
Make a get together
Make an even bigger get together
Make preparations for space monkeys
In fact, place me alongside you
Use my nature, Use my skills
I know you need them
Lie to me, everyone does

Jump ship when the times get rough.


Stay away from me until next year
I hate being used
I hate being used
I hate being used

Go home late
I lay on my bed
I can see the action

I can feel better
No I can't

Problems hiding underneath my bed, plague
My head once again

In my head

The earth in my head

Is this it?
The final decision?

I wondered about this for a long time now
But never actually done it
I'm tired of lies
I'm tired of being stricken with a disease

I'm going to go now
I'll dive down and hold it all in

But one day I'll resurface to breathe
And that’s when I'll be skewered from the side
Used once again

I'll use this tool for my own destruction
New will be a word I haven't felt in awhile
I'll be waving goodbye

As I load the shell into the chamber
And stretch out

I'll be waving goodbye

I'll pull the trigger and I'll fade away

Crushing Tide

Crushing Tide

I found the way to my passion
Through the course of my own
Insanity and deformation
I know

What I don't know
Is what’s becoming of the now
And how I've become of a victim
Without a crime

The water crushes me
Sucks me in closer

How I love the water
But now I know
What lurks in the deep

H & L

Hypocrisy

A word I didn't even know until now
I'm lonely
One word that would define a lot of people I know are victim to
I'm tired
One word that infects the ones I treasure
One word that makes me run from the ones I treasure
One word that fucks my head
One word that I know will hurt me
One word that I know will create a paradox of information
One word I see almost everyday

H Y P O C R I S Y

Love
One word that I find faulty...Love

Hole

Hole

There's a hole in my thoughts
Which I cannot repair
There's a hole in my ear
To allow vibrations to be heard
There's a hole in my ear
So I can become sick
There's a hole in my ear
That lets me interpet

That notifies the brain
There is a burning anger inside

There's a hole in my heart
I like the way I feel
Its me
All alone

Do you notice me?
Do you know, that you should run
From the sight of me

Lost Thoughts

Lost Thoughts

As I hold tighter
And cling to my insides of my head

My outer shell shatters
Revealing everything inside
Anger rushing out like blood from a gutted pig
There go my thoughts
Out of my head, replaced with anger

Points

Points

Bam boom
There goes another screaming damn you!

All the while
I smile

I hop the ghost
Dodge the gunfire like a select most

Tough and green
Is who I find mean

A blank portrait
Screaming "USE ME"
Like a drug

I like the feeling

I crave it every weekend

I'm a god...a monster

..savage

You should flee from me
I will bring you unavoidable pain
Take you from your world
And throw you straight into mine

I'll hold your hand
Take all I say
Within you head, spin around and around

I've been alone here
Until I discovered you
When will it be over

When will I

A reminder left on fire
A voice that is left mute
Eyes that see beyond our fate

I will not let go
Stay next to me
I'm alone

Cherry Waves

A sea of waves
We hug the same plank
Just as I rehearsed over an hour break

The waves suck you in, and you drown

If you'd just stay down with me
I'll swim down with you, you

You hang anchors over my neck
I liked it at first
But the more you laugh - crazy

The waves suck you in, and you drown

If you'd just stay down with me
I'll swim way down with you

Is that what you want?
With you
Is that what you want?

If you'd just stay down with me
I'll swim down with you, you

Is that what you want?
With you
Is that what you want?

With You, You

Accident

First she gave me the wound by accident, then the tourniquet she tied wound by accident.

Your friend may want to start running. I gave his scent to the hounds by accident.

Balloons on the mailbox, ambulance in the driveway, bobbing for apples I drowned by accident.

Did someone tell the devil we were building Eden? Or did he slither on the grounds by accident?

I said some crazy things, but I swear officer, I burned her place down by accident.

Only surfaces interest me. What Depths I sound, I sound by accident

NAME THE CHARACTER!!! (Week 1)

Well I've decided to come up with my new gameshow, so every week I'll try and remember and throw on a new a character from video game history. SO LETS PLAY!!!

WHO IS THIS CHARACTER!?

CHIEF!!!

I don't want it.
I need it.

THE HELL!?

Dux

Walk from your pilgrimage
Follow closely till your doom
Dream for another chance
Like I've done

Take each moment for granted
Then realize, suddenly
Time has no regrets
Only more choices
Blindly I
Walk the blooded path

Crazed on all things
So profound...
But I found you
Along the way...

Taken the breath out of me

You grasped me by my hand
Lead me to another place called
Dux

Blessed by the many people
I transpose
Into...Into...Into
A God

Only to realize I'm just another one strayed from the path of evil, brought only to a deeper and more conceited evil. Virtrous be the way for myself, I didn't even have to be crucified...or challenge any other being!

But I
Find myself stuck
Only to realize
Simple man was made
For these kind of interactions

Transpose, Transpose, Transpose

Falter, Muster, Gather.....

Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want!

Give me my judgement!

Hole In The Earth

There's A Hole In The Earth...

I'm Out....

Daily Lesson

Iciion
Iciioooooon

Iciion

Decide on...

Oh get this....Mountain Dew in Dakota is "Ichige Chu!"

So whenever you sneeze just exclaim..."ICHAIGE CHU (e cha ghe CHU)

SEND THIS TO 49979237929327923792927236940027307101073 PEOPLE OR YOU WILL DIE!!!

BOOYAKAH!

SNAKE!!!!!!

"Test subject number 3 and 5's vitals are normal, the other 6 subjects are deceased."

"Remove the wastes, and get a blood sample from 3 and 5."

"Yes doctor right away."

Dr.Geltman switched off his intercom. He leaned back in his chair. Hands behind his head, he sighed. The government agency known as FOXHOUND was paying him and his genetic research team to extract the genetic remains of a soldier named "Big Boss." Geltman stood from his chair and looked at his team, going from place to place with gadgets in hand. Geltman approached his desk. His hand pushed the intercom button in.

"Bring me the specimens."

"Yes sir."

Geltman didn't know the significance of this soldier. Nor did he care. Geltman and his crew were the most advanced genetic research team in the world. A knock at his office door jerked his head from his memo on his desk labeled "CONFIDENTIAL"

"Sir..."

The lab assitant presented the infants. They looked identical. Geltman had been the first man in the world to create twins. Genetic twins.

"Les Enfant Terribles..."

Geltman looked upon his subjects. He was empowered with intense joy. He picked up the phone on his desk and hit a single button.

"Mr. President...they are ready."

Jux

Take your sentimental time
Just relax think straight
Hope that you're alright and well
Cause I know the problem
The only reason we fight & scream
The last thing we need is regret

While I
Try to
Tell you why

Things knee deep
The alarm clicks on
Hide from the deafing sound
Bring back that old sense
Sense of compassion

While I
Try to
Tell you why

Now I know why
Its finally my time
Snicker and fade away
Twist your face

While I
Try to
Tell you why

Show me that you can do it
Show me you can just go
Show me that you care

Anal Ravity (A Note To Draggier)

Shove it
Feel it
Love it

Something has gotta change...

Gossiping widening...
Thrusting..
Its okay relax

Time for a new
Method that we can all hear and see
I need it
I want it
Deep inside it hurts
I hurt

Til your ass is blue
And bleeding
Thats the price of gossip fucking
(bring..some..wate..)

Maybe some other day
There will be another subtlety
But now we all know what we love
At first we're curious then
We realize this is hurt but as time
Spreads with more and more
Rumormongers fuck us until simply there is
Only the truth and pain
Left to be viewed

Is there anything..

You'll feel deep down inside that
Nothing can change the fact I'm just
Another gossip fuck lying on the road with
Vomit streaming down my face and a smile on my face.

Tile Conferences

I open the door and walk in. The light flickers on and off. Smell of piss & shit rampant. There's no getting around it. Stand along side the wall and think to yourself. The sublties of the day. Oh how great they can be.

....of extreme loudness and uber crazy loud remarks. Smart arrogancies throughout the day. What's this? Car crash in the lot..haha losers. Suddenly striking......

"Give me that..."

"What are you the weiner police!?"

He takes my book. Throws it down and splits it into two. I run away.

(Flap back to reality)

I'm leaning now against the tiles. They are just like everyone else, cold and squarish, never taking the risk yet playing the ass hole game. I lean away from the tiles and exit out the door. I walk down the hallways into the next room. "It's like a game of rock, paper, scissors." How funny. An english class discussing politics and the balance between the 3 branches. Oh goody. "SHUT UP!" The teacher hands out the tests and there goes another student out the door with utter confusion.


Like I woke up in wonderland, black holes all over the praries.
Simlar to forgetting...
Can anyone show me where to go?
"Hey do you know...shit."
The only one to know.
The only one to sew.
C'mon now, expand and arise.

Walk through the halls once again.
Turn the dial over and over.
Get the shit and go.
Who woulda thought....

Here is

Here is your home
My thoughts are my own
Look through the ash
Make your path
Go your own way
Take your wishes
And find another place to dwell

Lend me no help
Gotta go (x2)
Gotta roll (x2)
Let's Go!!!!

Make your way home
Go alone
Its the only place you know
Muster the smarts
Defy what we know

Time to Go!!!

Gotta find that space
That space

Memories creep on your skin
Lock you within
The greatest prison
That you made with your own decision

But now....

Lend me no help
Gotta go (x2)
Gotta roll (x2)
Let's Go!!!!

Make your way home
Go alone
Its the only place you know
Muster the smarts
Defy what we know

Time To Go!!!!!!!!

...?

More you want?
I've given you all I have
The only thing you left me was my soul
And let me tell you
You sure as hell left it lonely and beaten
The wounds are just now healing
The marks are visible
I know you can see them
With your deadly vision
You've taken my style
You've taken my senses
All but my soul
Yet you want more...

My body aches for something new
Pains in my side
Demented thoughts in my head
Where'd these come from?
Did you leave these here when you had my style?
Here take your shit and go
Let me lay here
The last thing I need is a relapse
Oh wait I already know the first steps
...Drink plenty of fluids
Get rest
Stay inside....

You have nothing now?
No reply?
Why the silence?
....?

Sanctum

Puddles on the cold floor
The fluorescent lighting illumanting
Smells from the sewer linger
My hands tremble
The washing machine turns & churns
Fluids fill up the hole in the floor
My home
No matter the struggle outside
I always find the cold, to be pure
To fill me up
Lonely, yet not
Scared, yet proud
Thinking, yet staring
Staring into the cracks in the walls
Wonder if they'll ever shatter
And crush me from under them

(Fade out....)

"This place, it just feels different."

"Who really cares..."

"I know, I just want to feel like I'm at home again"

"Look at it like this, what did you have from the old home?"

"I had.....my room"

"You still do, just now you're in a new place"

"Yeah you're right, I just wanna.....feel...you know what I'm sayin..."

"Well Cochise, you do that on your time; I'm here just for a little bit"

(Smile)

"Well my time is up, a new beginning is waiting here for you, go on and keep it up, you'll be suprised with what you find."

"Maybe its just my own mind playing tricks with me..."

"Oh no, never, your mind is aware of what its doing, subconcisouly that is, but in your conscious state, you're a wreck, go with the flow, but have fun."

"...I will"

The world seems like a blur when bewilderment strikes you in your dreams.

Through the door
I go
Do I see my end?
Do I see a new beginning?
Either way
I'm prepared
For too long
I've been like this
I felt a little bit like me the other day
Although
Fear is death, living death
Overconfidence = arrogance
So where is the line?
But, I have to say
Is there anyway back once that line is crossed

15 Years

For fifteen years I was quiet
Held back
Seen as a mute
Locked in by the very ones I loved
Until
A new person entered into my life
He changed the way those I cherished
Swayed my god against me
Such a damn child
How long is the question
How long can I stay quiet?
Will the pain be quick?

Zero Hour
15 years of rage
15 years of tears
15 years of deception
15 years of an abused mind
Explode at once
Punching the walls
Ripping apart my memories
I closed the door
And closed the shutters
Took a seat on the floor
And layed their and prayed
That one day "I'll be back"
...Pain...

One year later
It seems like I'm coming back
Opening the door slightly
Just to see whats outside my door
Its too bright
My eyes have become used to seeing darkness
Finding my way
Numb
Just like a credit card company they come at me
Wanting me to sign up with them; I accept without looking in my own wallet
Seems like I'm not quite yet ready to pay
But why does it hurt so?
Shaken by minor things
Renown for my abilites
Becoming I
Events outsides the home, now overtaking me
Social Butterfly, exactly what I've become
From dead maggot to beautiful butterfly
To good to be true
Just like any credit card deal
My wings (Mind)
Ripped apart and left in the open plains
Quivering from the pain
I can't even close the door

......
Winds blow
My remains lay in defeat
I accept
I become part of the earth
Once again
Acceptance
What a bitch to agree with
Where am I now?
Do I even know?
These lights
Smells new and unknown
Intresting
Distance is now my best friend
I realize the puzzle before me
Combined with elements of moral understanding
I walk this path before me now
Rebuilding as I make my way
Through this maze I find

Memories
Old intrests
Warmth
Light

I come into view of the door to this labryinth
I grasp the door handle
Electricty inside my body; fluxuates
The tumblers fall to my grip on the door handle
As I twist; memories far & distant return
Reinventing the way I think
I open the door to find
A new shade
Darkness & Light linger in equilibrium

Through torment & agony
Through deception & lies
Through myself

I say "I'm back."

EWAH!!!! (I^)

We're gonna go and overcome!!!
EWAH!!!!!
Fight the non-veraicoius ones!!!
EWAH!!!!
EYAAAAH!!!
Feed ourselves this pleasurable feeling!!!
EYAH!!!!

Or are we to fall?
EWAH!!!

(Thats the warrior spirit!!!)

Claim the King's Throne!!
EWAH!!!
Sit and stare upon the peasants, feel their own individualism dwindle away under his control. Changing their personal appearances to please the King. I see this King, most believe and trust this King with our lives. He fills people with dreams & hopes as long as you surrender your finances & personal ambitions. The King sucks all of them dry, leeching if you will. I alone, will chase away this leech with my poisonus smoke. My inner-self will kill this King. I'll be the one to sneak up and strike him in the back. He will fall.

I now find out there are more like I, wanting to chase this King out. Destroy him and all of his power. Take back what we had, before he came to power. Some question how he came to be. Simple. He needs to find the key to popularity....which is conformity. He amends to all the ways of the masses and thats when it happens. When he steals your tea & biscuits. When all of the people under this King; need something more. They need dreams, not false-draining hopes. Through dreams they will find their once lost ambitions. Which will be the fuel for bringing individualism back into the shells of these people; which then they will be able to breathe how they want. Look how they want, pay the toll if they please. That is the world we need. The world that can be restored.

A Scream Only To Become A Whisper

Tiny splinters are in your soul (and they remain there)
++
Darkest life in the deepest hole (you sit and pray there)
--
**

All the deals from the things you've done (you wouldn't ever work for)
What you thought was so much fun (you have to pay for)

----

Kingdom Hearts Character

You scored as Sora. You are Sora. You are the chosen holder of the keyblade, and a damn good swordsman at that. Your light is strong, and your heart is pure. Don't ever turn to the darkness. Sora 100% King Mickey 83% Riku 67% Donald 67% Goofy 67% Yuffie 33% Sephiroth 33% Ansem 0% Which Kingdom Hearts Character are you? (pics) created with QuizFarm.com

These quizzes, I tell ya, damn addictive. But on another sidenote, I finally started playing Kingdom Hearts II and HOT DAMN that is a bad-ass game!!!

Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake

Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake - 1999

With the frigid relationships between USA and Russia and China and Russia thawing, the nations lead to the settling down of local conflicts, and the world is finally beginning to neutralize.

It is 1999, the nuclear threat of this century is leaving us, and we are ready to welcome the new stable 21st century.

However, a fraction of the populace does not accept this peace...

In the Middle East, a breeze of unstableness is blowing. Zanzibar Land, a small republic just next to Russia, China and the Arab nations, founds a military government.

It raids "Nuclear Arms for Disposal Storage" sites around the world and robs weapons that were still not disposed of, making it the sole nuclear-armed nation in the world, and begins non-discriminate invasions of nearby countries.

In a world which disposes of nuclear employment, Zanzibar Land's nuclear power is becoming a real emergency. A nuclear threat is budding once again.

At the same time, oil resources are quickly growing scarce. Despite the foretelling that they would last more than 30 years, the world is facing a serious energy source crisis with no alternative supply to oil.

Then, a Czech biologist named Kio Marv invents a micro specimen - "OILIX", which rectifies high-quality oil.

The world is once again in a tension regarding "OILIX". Dr. Marv is kidnapped by Zanzibarian radicals on his trip from Czechoslovakia to America. Zanzibar Land is trying to gain its military superiority through nuclear arms and "OILIX".

...A micro-organism the size of a few micrometers is going to decide the fate of the world.

A top-secret order goes down to Solid Snake, former Foxhounder.

"Single-handedly sneak into Zanzibar Land, and rescue Dr. Kio Marv!"

Snake must now rescue the doctor and take out a new, more poweful Metal Gear.

Snake single-hendedly sneaks into Zanzibar and runs across and old "friend."

Big Boss is back and he has brought a new Metal Gear with him.

Boss, this time showing fear from Snake leaves him to deal with Metal Gear and the remaining Zanzibarian troops.

Snake destroys the Metal Gear and narrowly escapes the exploding Zanzibarian fortress via helecopter.

It is unknown wheter or not Big Boss survived this encounter as well.

He is victorious once more and decideds on a normal life, one away from the military...

He retires to a far away cabin near the Twin Lakes area of the Alaskan mountains. Here he learns that he is suffering Post-Tramatic-Stress-Disorder (PTSD) as a result of his recent missions. This results in flashbacks and other mental anguish. Because of this, Snake gets into huskie racing in order to limit his condition. Snake is preparing for a 1049 mile sleigh race between Anchorage and Nome when he get's a call from former Foxhound commander, Roy Cambell...

Metal Gear Snake's Revenge

Snake's Revenge - Somewhere between 1995 and 1999

Snake is called into action once again...

This time, a man by the name of Higharolla Kockamamie has captured a large sum of nuclear weapons.

He plans on using them to take control of the world.

Snake suspectes that Kockamamie may be another Big Boss alias. He has a sneaking suspicion that Big Boss survived the Outer Heaven encounter.

He gathers a huge army, like never before seen, to guard his "Fortress Fanatic."

Foxhound, now under the command of Roy Cambell, sends Snake and two comrades.

John Turner,(J.T.) of the Air Forces super-secretive intelligence.

And, Commando Nick "La Bomba" Myer, the explosives expert and leader of the Nitroglycerin Division at Foxhound.

They invade the Fortress Fanatic and defeat Kockamamie. Unfortunatly, for Snake, Big Boss is not involved in this terrorist activity.

They destroy the second Metal Gear threat.

Sometime after this, Snake leaves Foxhound for an early retirement.

Metal Gear

Metal Gear - 1995

200km north of Salzburg, deep in South Africa.

Outer Heaven...

An armed fortress was taken control of in the late 1990s by a mercenary named General Vernon CaTaffy...

Top secret information was intercepted...

Inside the fortress a weapon would lie. A weapon that could change the face of earth warfare as we knew it...

Orders were sent to the hi-tech informal squad Foxhound, and Command sent a merc named "Grey Fox," to infiltrate and acquire more information about the weapon.

The operation was given the codenname: "INTRUDE N313".

However, a few days later, contact with Grey Fox was broken after an urgent but short message, "...metal gear..."

Government superiors found this crucial, and again ordered Foxhound into action, leaving all their hopes in the mercenary, "Solid Snake".

Snake single-handedly snuck into Outer Heaven, contacting resistance members such as Schneider, Jennifer and Diane. With their help, he rescued the captive Grey Fox. He learned from Fox about the nuclear-mounted heavy walking tank called, "Metal Gear". Outer Heaven was going to win military superiority using this "Metal Gear."

Snake rescued an Eastern scientist, Dr. Petrovich Madnar, who was the developer of Metal Gear. Madnar was kidnapped by the enemy and was being used to reform their base with modern technology. Snake also rescued the doctor's daughter Ellen, and from Petrovich, he learned the weaknesses of Metal Gear, and how to destroy it.

However, the closer Snake came to finding out the vital truth of the whole operation, the more cunning were the traps he had to overcome.

It was as if all his actions were being leaked into enemy acknowledgment...

Schneider, who was the leader of the resistance, fell into enemy hands. Snake, vows to avenge Schnieder's death against the enemy.

Finally, Snake reached the Metal Gear and destroyed it...

Surprisingly, the general commander of Foxhound was waiting for him...

The man responsible for mission N313 was Big Boss.

From the very beginning, Big Boss used Snake as a pawn for his own evil deeds.

He had jammed all vital information that Snake had sent to Foxhound. They knew nothing!

Big Boss had controlled Outer Heven under the alias of "Vernon CaTaffy" in order to trick Foxhound.

In the 100th floor underground, with no dogmas nor policies involved, a battle between the two men raged...

And Snake left only the smoldering remains of Outer Heaven behind him.

Dreams

The following post is written to help me keep track of my dreams, as well as to entertain whoever is out there. Enjoy.

Dream 1: I'm driving with 3 friends of mine. It seems as if we are heading to Shakopee for some reason. We came across a hotel I used to stay at when I was younger, the Super 8 hotel in Shakopee. We unloaded our bags and went to the room. I remember everyone else was down at the pool having fun, except me. I was doing some computer work. I seemed stressed out and then my friend came up and hugged me. After that I woke up.

After expierencing dream 1, I woke up in the same position I always have when I wake up in when I have crazy dreams. Cocooned in my own blankets. I woke up and looked at the clock 4:13

I went back to sleep.

Dream 2: (Forward) This next dream is a bit more suspense filled, reminds me of the movie Signs. But Anyways....
Dream 2 starts off with me seeing this family just doing ordinary house work/farm work when all of a sudden there is a crash in the midst of their corn fields. I remember seeing the family figures running back into their houses and locking everything up. Here's where it becomes like a movie cross, between Signs & The Thing. The way these aliens "overcame" was by inducing a stinger like thing to peoples necks. But they also had a very simple down fall and that was something like pepper. Once again upon waking, cocoon state.

Dream 3: (Forward) This dream reminds me of being in New Mexico, with all the crazy mountains. In this dream, it was me, Kevin Bacon, and Emilo Estevez just out running cross country across the rugged terrain of New Mexio or somewhere like that. Kevin Bacon brought his music and so he was sorta of like the "loner." Emilo was always ahead of me. The only significant I remember about this dream was that I was trying to climb up this incline and I remember I stopped to rest but I ended up falling asleep (in dream). I almost lost balance when Emilo shook up me. I wonder what woulda happened if I'd fallen? Hmmm. I remember climbing up top. Then I woke up.
This time when I woke up, I woke with my one leg off my bed, my head in the frame, and one arm under me, the other in the frame.

I don't know the significance of noting the sleeping patterns, but somewheres I read that you should remember how you wake up.

"The situation you live in, doesn't have to live in you."

That Soothing Sound...

Lying in my bed
Without a fear in my head (my eyes closed)
I'm flying throughout the sky
Seeing through every lie
I feel free
I feel a little more like me
Soaring high now
Heh, I used to bow
Now i just smile
Even at the vile

I wonder now what happens
Even if there is no end
Confusion, Monetary Diffusion
It makes no difference
Only to make a bleak reference
Of a miniscule situation
Or to ensue definite molestation

But hey!
Lets fly high!
Forget that old pain & emptyness
And fuel your own happiness!

Feel the beat
Move & feel
Its a simple beat

Digigagagadigagagagaw!

Sittin at home
Hanging around the phone
My friend calls me up and says
"It's eleven o six, its time to pick up some chicks."
We drive around town
Not before long, we're back at the starting ground.

Meanwhile in our heads...
"It's eleven o six, time to pick up some chicks."
[repeat until verbal desire is reached]

We stand in the orangish light
Remembering all of our beginning delights
Dinosaurs, Cars, Building Forts
We reflect on those times to somehow better ourselves
But I say to him, we shouldn't dwell on that, isn't that selfish?
He smiles and says to me "Snap, Crackle, Mitch, and Pop."
I laugh uncontrollably and fall over plop on the ground.

Meanwhile in our heads...
"It's eleven o six, time to pick up some chicks."
[repeat until verbal desire is reached]

Me & him sit on the curb looking left & right
Remembering all that was casted in positive light
We stand & walk the street
Pretty soon we see everyone else walking
We look at each other and say "What's happening?"

Meanwhile in our heads
"It's eleven o six, time to pick up some chicks."
[repeat until verbal desire is reached]

Everyone gets together
Standing close to each other
An explosion of laughter explodes from one another
We all laugh
We all laugh so hard, we weeze
So much we say to ourselves "Jeez!"
"How long have we been like this? This is nuts!"
"Oh well, thats in the past"
"Looks like the future is runnin in here fast!"

Even after we are happy now we still say...

"It's eleven o six, time to pick up some chicks."

Prom Song

Everyone else is asking
Looks like they want me too
Too bad, I'm breaking
I really want too but
I'd just sound like a fool
Underneathe everything
They say I'm so lonely
I just hope I'm not phoney
Oh god, I hope, I'm willing to bet

There I see her thinkin about her dance
She's off thinking about her ex
I stand there throwing everything out
Then she makes my day all go so horrible minced.
Holding her hand
Looking into her eyes
I see where I stand
I hope I'm not living in her lies

Oh no
I never
Thought it would be like this
Draining me for all of my inner bliss
Seems like I'm destined to fall apart
Fall down and collect every bit of bark
On my way down this gigantic tree
That I thought could make me glee
But now, I'm so terrified
I should have jumped off this tree along time ago
Make sure that I'd never breathe this air
Goddamn ego
But I know you don't care

A View (Scoots Incarnate)

Today whilst at work, my coworker & I had to go to USC Housing. Fine & dandy it was, (pretty boring I almost fell asleep). Brian was computing away at a terminal trying to hookup a scanner. I was sitting in the chair in front of the desk. My head held up by hand. I looked out the window. There I saw a bunch load of kids from the USC Youth Group. I thought back to what I used to do when I was in the youth group. I used to go wherever my brother went, because well I was a very very quiet kid. Then I saw him. A kid I haven't seen since he was a toddler. His name is Tanner, but the thing about Tanner is that Tanner looks exactly like me, I'll have to get a snapshot of him and get a picture of me when I was just a little chump just like him. His face, walk, frame, and even the way how he talks. Tanner even wants to be a marine biologist, which was what I wanted to do at that age. Tanner was with his brother Hunter. From what it seemed like, the youth group was watering the gardens.

I also noticed one thing that still is rampant in the youth group. The cliques. Now that I'm older than everyone in those cliques, I could identify all the cliques. There were the "2 cool 4 school kids (a.k.a in my own terms...G-Unit kids)" These kids were the wannabe badasses that think they are the top shit because they wear their south pole T-shirts & listen to rap. These kids are pretty much top of the ladder.
Another group is the drama stars. These kids aren't all that bad. They just love to expose problems & throw salt in the wounds so to say. A mass majority of the youth group was under this. These kids dress to the popular trends, and for some reason, natives can't get enough of South Pole. So they appear to look like the "2 cool 4 school crew" but underneath the superficiality & drama, they are actually pretty cool kids.
The final group of kids are the kids that are there just to have fun. These kids appear to be either dressed in the white shirt, blue jean shorts & sandals esque type of clothing, or dressed in the darker colors. These kids keep to themselves and wait to get invited to all the group activites.

I stood up from my chair and said to Brian. "Hey, I'll be back in a 5 mins that ok?" Brian said "Yeah, I'll be right here (sigh)." I chuckeled and walked outside. I walked towards the youth group and walked up to their chaperone, Berta. Berta is the Native American Counselor at the school I attend. After talking with her about my college plans and whatnot. I ask her just like a little kid "Berta...may I go water the plants?" She laughed and gave me a water pail. I saw the 2 cool crew standing by a tree, they saw me and did the "nod". So I walked over and said "Whats up fellas?" They give me the whole "Scoooooots" title greeting. I shoot the breeze with these kids, askin them about what they've been doin & shit like that. This crew is at the point of either being active jackasses. Not to the older kids, but to the younger crew. I finally say "So where is Tanner & Hunter at?" All of a sudden I hear, "Oh that fat fuck he's over there." I retalliate by saying "Hey man! What the hell are doing callin him that?" They look at me with a scared kind of look. I stand up right next to this kid. This guy is going to be in the 9th grade, just a little guy. Let's remember that I used to be the fat pudgy little kid like Tanner, so I know what it's like to be him. To be afraid because he looks different from the rest, and from that I know how to handle little fAWKS like this kid. "I better not hear you call him that again, same for the rest of you guys, you guys are gonna be going to High School here soon, if you keep this up, you're gonna get eaten alive there, I'm just warning you guys, cutback on the name calling & you'll save yourself a lot of trouble." They stand there in silence. I walk off to go find Tanner & Hunter.

I walk on the otherside of the prarie garden and there they are. Both of them laying down on the ground lookin at a bunch of plants. I walk over casually and sit down next to them. "Hey guys, remember me?" Hunter has this puzzled look on his face, all of a sudden Tanner says "You're Scoooots!" I smile and say "Yep thats me!" Hunter, Tanner's older brother was the athletic type of kind and had more friends that Tanner. Hunter asks me "Whats your real name?" So I tell him "My name is Elliott, I work at the same place where your mom does." "Okay." Hunter says. Hunter gets up and heads into the USC Housing known as "The Big House." I'm still blown away by how much this kid looks like me. So I ask Tanner "So Tanner, what grade are you gonna be in this year?" He replies "Third..." I chuckle. Tanner asks "What?" I say "Well I remember 3rd grade for me and this one time my friend of mine Bobby and me....." After I told Tanner the story he says "Wow!" in that little kid voice. I ask "Do you have a girrrrrlllfriend Tanner?" He starts turning red and says "Noooooo!" I laugh. Tanner giggles. A good generation of vibes. "Well Tanner, I gotta get back to work but you stay cool ok? Tanner replies "Okay!" I get up and walk back into "The Big House"

I walk back into the office. Brian sitting there with the glazed eye look. "Still not workin?" I ask. "Nothin new at all..." Brian replies. I chuckle and sit back down in the chair. "Another long day ahead of us..." I say Brian nods.

"You die by how you live."

F3......YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!

These days are dark and the nights are cold
People acting like they lost their soul
And everywhere I go I see another person like me
Trying to make it all feel like home

I'm just trying to make some sense in my mind
Escape with some rhythm and rhyme

DiV!Nity (II)

"Whats the matter Vin?" Ari asked nervously

"...I don't know its probably nothing, still wanna watch a movie?" Vin replied

"Sure!" Ari said as she popped in the movie into the disc tray.

Vin and Ari sat and watched the movie. Not a word was spoken between the two of them.

"Ari, I had a good time tonight, sorry I wasn't talkative tonight, I think its work got me runnin of fumes." Vin said as he walked towards the door.

"Well you better refuel here soon. It'll be good for you." Ari said.

Vin smiled and said goodnight. He walked towards his door of his apartment. Vin looked at the clock. It read 3:38. "Thank god, I don't have to go to work tomorrow." Vin layed on his couch and turned on his TV. Vin's eyes began to get heavy. The TV seemed to fade out of focus as he fell asleep.

______________@@@@@@@@@@@@________________@@@@@@@@@@________________@@@@@8___________

"What do you think?"

"I think he'll do it."

"Really?"

"Yes, its his goal, it will be awhile for him but he'll realize sooner or later."

"What do you think about this One?"

"This one is just the opposite of him, he inspires darkness."

"Doesn't he have qualities of him as well?"

"He does but he has a different mentality, he believes in self-peace. That one believes in struggle, eternal struggle."

______________@@@@@@@@@@@@________________@@@@@@@@@@________________@@@@@8___________

The sunlight was hot on Vin's face. The patio window was shining brightly. Vin sat up and looked at the time, 7:45. Vin stood up and walked towards the windowdoor and opened it. His patio chairs were flipped over on their sides. He grabbed the chair and placed it upright, and sat down. The birds in the trees were chirping away happily. Vin dug up his cigarettes from his pocket. Out of the box and into Vin's mouth, he lit it up. Vin said to himself, "Heh shit, what the fuck is happening to me, maybe I should go see a doctor..."

"Or maybe you should start believing." Veronica said

Vin coughed on his saliva in his mouth. He looked around and didn't see her.

"Your in my head aren't you?" Vin said to himself.

"Is that a bad thing?" Veronica asked in response.

Vin laughed out loud. "Its fine, I'm just tryin to take in what you told me last night, thats all."

"Well don't think about it too hard, have fun Vin, don't let this get you down. I know how you are, you're not gonna do what I say, but I think you'll find out eventually."

"What do you mean?" Vin asked

"You'll know when the time comes, but goodbye for now Vin." Veronica said

Vin stood up and looked at the sun.

SEE THE COLOR!!! (Oh NO!)

Yep, I'm back at it again. MUHAHAHAHAHa

You scored as Blue. You are considered to be a very calm person who takes things one at a time and does not worry too much about the consequences. Whatever happens, happens, is your moto. You are the one people come to for advise on most topics, because you are filled with limitless knowledge. You can handle any situation. Blue 100% Purple 94% Yellow 89% White 72% Green 61% Pink 61% Black 56% Red 56% Orange 50% Which Colour Represents You??? created with QuizFarm.com

$UP3R#H3R0

In reality, there are no such things as superheroes to the degree of Superman or Spider-Man or anyone else like that. Instead we often look at superheroes as trying to be like them in some way shape or form. Often times the mass majorities tend to cling to a superhero because of what they think they have in common with a superhero. This is the part where I go on and on about how in real life you don't have to be a superhero to be good. Very true. The one thing in life though that relates through comics is villains. Villains will always be there in life. Your boss. Your family. Your friends. Villianry is common in a lot of people. Some of the most outstanding people can be the lowest people in life. The most nobel, looked upon person can with a simple decision be turned vile. Turned to be hated. Turned to be feared. The only thing left to decide is the villian's own perspective on how evil he/she wants to be, or if there is still that that same person can be turned back to superhero status. Everyone in this world can be a superhero. Everyone in this world can be a villian. In the on going clash between good & evil, there will always be conflict. Neverending conflict.

DiV!Nity (I)

The metropolis always was pulsing alive. Florishing with people doing whatever they wanted. Crime, drugs, whatever. In the northern part of town there was an apartment. The occupants inside the apartment were just ordinary people except for one man and his name was Vin.

Vin was a 24 year old bachelor living alone in his apartment complex, going to work each day, coming home and drinking the night away. Vin's wardrobe was mostly of black and white shirts/pants. Vin always liked to look classy & catchy. Vin had some friends that he would go to the bar with. He had no one that was close to him. Vin never felt compassonate for his buddies. Vin was once in love but now he had become numb so to say. He was a pretty straight forward man just living out his days in the bustling city.

Vin pulled into the lot of his apartment complex. The sun had gone down several hours ago. He locked the car doors and shut his car door. He walked into the apartment complex. He continued on down the hallway until he got to the mailboxes. He pulled out his keys and found his mailbox key. Vin stuck the key into the mailbox key slot and unlocked his mailbox. Just then, the adjacent door opened. A woman stepped outside and exclaimed "Vin!"

"Hey Ari, how's it goin?" Vin asked.

"I'm doin great! Hey! do you wanna watch a movie tonight?" Ari asked.

"Tell you what, I'm gonna shower up and then I'll come over, is that ok?" asked Vin.

"Sure, I'll see you later!" Ari exclaimed as she walked outside the apartment complex doors.

Vin thought to himself as he walked into his apartment, "She's pretty cool, cute too, maybe one of these days I'll..." The phone cut off his thought. He picked up the phone and said "Hello?" No response. "Hello?" Still no response. Vin hung up the phone and made his way to his bedroom. He got a set of clothes, walked into the bathroom and took a nightly shower after a hard day's work. Vin, now feeling better, went to the kitchen and opened up the cupboard door. He grabbed a pack of pop-tarts, he tore the wrapper off and ate them cold. The mushy substance of apple in his throat forced Vin to open up his refrigerator and grab the milk gallon and drink straight from it. The phone rang again. Vin had almost choked on his milk. He sat the gallon back into the refrigerator door and slammed the door shut and ran to the phone.

"Hello?" Vin asked.

"Vin, you know who I am." the voice said

"Huh?" Vin asked in question

"I've known you for awhile now and you still can't remember me?" the voice asked

"Who the hell are you!!" Vin asked in bewilderment.

Suddenly the lights went out. The phone line was silent. Vin did not know what was going on. Rain began to fall from the dark skies. Vin looked around the room in darkness. Vin pulled out a lighter from his pocket. The lighter illumanated the dark room. Vin made his way slowly to the door. Right as when he was going to open the door, the door opened. There was no one behind the door. Vin looked out in the hallway. Darkness had engulfed the hallway. Vin made his way over to Ari's apartment. He knocked a couple of times. Vin decided to enter the apartment. "Ari?" Vin asked. Vin made his way to her living room she was asleep on the couch. "Ari, wake up, Ari..." Ari's eyes opened and looked at Vin. Her eyes were completly black. She quickly hopped up and was walking on the ceiling. Ari was silent, she did not make a sound. Vin was shaking. Ari stopped in front of Vin. She was directly in front of him. Ari's phone began to ring. Vin leaped for it. In a panic stricken voice asked "Hello!?!?"

"Come to the roof..." A woman's voice said

Vin ran out of the apartment and shut the door behind him. He started running up the stairs. Vin thought "What the fuck is happening!?!?" Vin kept running. His muscles ached. Finally, he approached the rooftop door. Vin grabbed the handle and opened the door. Blinding light shined brightly on Vin. Vin covered his eyes. He screamed "What THE HELL IS HAPPENING!?" A breeze began to flow. The door had shut. "You have been chosen Vin."

"What!?" Vin asked

"Chosen to help, to save, to purify." The female voice said

"I don't know what the fuck your saying lady, all I know about whats going on is..." Vin said.

"The girl you care about has become consumed by her own desires." The voice said cutting off Vin.

"What, you saw that?" Vin asked

"Of course, I saw it all, I've been watching you know for awhile now." The voice explained

"Well, who are you?" Vin asked

The light suddenly dimmed down. Vin took his hand away from his eyes. He finally saw this unknown person. Vin asked in question "....Veronica?"

She nodded. Veronica had died several years ago in a shooting in the downtown area. Vin had met Veronica on the subway. Vin's first love. Vin feel to his knees, crying.
"How....how long have you been there for...." Vin asked cutting off

"Since the accident, I've been with you ever since that day." Veronica confirmed.

"But Vin, theres a reason why Ari has become like how she has. Many others will just be like her. What you saw was actually her soul. She was asleep the entire time." Veronica explained.

"She woke up though, she opened her eyes." Vin said

"No, her soul woke up, she was still sleeping, even when the phone rang she never flinched. There are things you don't know about Ari, for instance she's a heavy user of substances...." Veronica continued.

"I swear she must of...." Vin muttered out

"You've seen it before Vin, I know you have, in your dreams, the faces blurred out, darkness taking form of people. I've seen these too, because somehow I'm connected with you, more important Vin, you have the ability to commune with souls. Because well look at this, you're talking with me right now." Veronica said

Vin looked at the ground, tears still coming down his face. Vin looked up at Veronica. Veronica approached Vin. Vin looked Veronica right into his eyes. She hugged him. Vin hugged her tightly.

"Vin, you been going on your entire life wondering what your purpose is, going about your day care free, but when you are alone at night, you think about things. You've been chosen to help these people, Vin you've helped me, helped me to get where I am....with you." Veronica whispered into his ear.

Vin looked Veronica straight in her eyes. "What do I have to do...?" Vin asked.

"You don't have to do a thing, everything thats happened tonight has happened because I needed to tell you what you should do, but really its all up to you. You'll know what you have to do Vin, don't worry, but I've got to go. Veronica said.

The rooftop lights came back on and Veronica began to walk away.

"No! don't leave me!" Vin exclaimed

"I never left you, I'm always with you." Veronica said as she disappeared

Vin wiped the tears off of his face. He opened the rooftop door. Vin peered into the stairway. The lights were on. Vin walked his way back down to his floor. Vin walked down the hall to Ari's apartment. Vin knocked lightly then walked in. He walked quietly to the living room once again. Ari was still there sleeping. The TV volume was as loud as a quite hum. Vin touched Ari's shoulder. Her hand touched Vin's hand. She opened her eyes. Her head turned over to Vin.

"Oh Vin, I'm sorry!" Ari exclaimed

"Its fine Ari, its ok." Vin said

"Ok, well wanna still watch the movie?" Ari asked as she got up to put in the movie

"Actually Ari..." Vin said as he got up. Vin approached Ari and held her by her sides. "Ari......"

Gamer Reborn

Well theres no other way to say this other than I GOT AN XBOX 360, yeah yeah yeah to all those who have had one since they've been released SCREW YOU!

The story: (oh yes theres a story!)




A friend of mine, Mike, and I were sittin down in my room watching the elite of shitty movies Suburban Commando (OH HELL YEAH!) Sooooo many good quotable things from that movie but anyways...after the crazy cool end credits music ceased. My door opened and a voice called to me, "Scoots, come on up here." The moment that had been slowly creeping its way towards me, my birthday. As me and Mike came up the stairs, I saw the traditional birthday circle happening and so I assumed the position where everyone was around me. And then the song began, after hearing the "Dying Choir" sing (sister & friends) My ma came on over and gave me a card. Inside was mass of money, I lifted the cash up and read the card. Then I saw it. Everyone had signed it except for my brother. I looked at ma and I was about to say something when then I stopped myself. I didn't want to make things worse. So I hugged my ma and then I counted the money, $400 dollars worth. I looked at Mike and asked "Wanna go to Monte?" He said "Sure." So we hopped in my car and drove off.

The feeling in the car was mixed. I was nervous, happy...shit estatic! Mike and I did the usual talk about music and how everyone views music in this age. After an intense talk of music we finally approached the town. We pulled into the parking lot of Wal-Mart and we made our way inside. As we walked in I said to Mike "Lets go somewhere where none of us have been in forever in this store." and just like that, his head and mine looked towards the shoe corner. After spending time in the corner deciding on either to get a friend of ours some Nascar Racing shoelaces or not. We made our way to electronics and purchased the beast. Literally the thing is a beast! Twas fuckin heavy! We went back out to the car and made our ways to go to McDonalds. How can you not go to McDonalds after expierencing such joy. We then drove around the town of Montevideo and the outskirts of Montevideo. We also tried to classify when the houses of Montevideo were built, amongst doing that we ran into the most friendly people ever just coasting down the street. An old man looked at us and gave us the peace sign. An old lady with her german sheppard waved to us with the utmost glee in her face. We then started our way back to Granite.

We made our way back to the Q, and had some ice cream. (Golden Arches then Ice Cream...BADASS!) The day was coming to an end. Mike went home. I went back to my lair. Connected the beast to my entertainment center. I didn't have any X360 games. I looked around to only find my copy of Halo 1. Just like 5 years ago.

(Flashback) My mom was walking up to the hotel room with me. The hotel was located just outside of Minneapolis. I loved it, the feeling of being in a thriving place. I miss being around up there (reality comment), (back to flashback) I knocked on the hotel room door. I heard the door handle come down and there was Jon. "Hey! How was the concert?" he asked as we walked in. "It was alright, kinda boring, so we left."
"Oh well, thats too bad you better get ready for bed Scoots." Ma left the room back to her own hotel room.
I looked to the clock it read "8:49" I looked at Jon and said "Huh?"
"Well we got a big day and all you know...like going back home."
I was still confused. "Ok, I guess I'll go to bed then." I lifted the pillows and there it was. The Xbox gaming system, with a copy of Halo, and two controllers. I turned at my brother and gave him the biggest smile. The first time I actually hugged my brother. Me and him sat up till 9 in the morning playing Halo, check out time was at 11 A.M. (if anyone wants to know how the rest of the story goes, leave a comment and I'll put the rest on here)

(Back to present time)
I looked at the 360, popped in Halo, and as corny as this sounds. I actually missed not having my brother there with me, to play it again. I sat up till the early morning hours of the next day until I beat Halo once again.

I went to sleep.

(The Next Day)
The next day it was the same old stuff, wake up, work, nap. After I woke up from my nap I called up a friend of mine to see if he'd want to come hang out with me. And so we did, we drove around town, and talked of the good ol "Super House" days. The 5 years ago days. He finally said to me "Here Scoots" and then he gave me my first X360 game. Perfect Dark Zero. I damn near screamed. The game I had been wanting since its first planning stages on Xbox. Now was finally in my hands. After hangin out with the Clizzouse and droppin him off. I went home and here I am now. So folks I'm gonna go play some Perfect Dark Zero and let me say this it will be "DYNAMITE!!!!" (d-_-b)

""

Look into those eyes
Listen to the words
Sounds like a million goodbyes
So sad, its only going to get worse
Use all thats beneficial
Or it could just be viewed as superficial
Too many times I've heard
"Thats absurb!"
When in all actuality
I'm in reality
Whereas you are off cookin up a plan
Only to ask yourself this "Where do I stand?"

NoIR (ACT I-VI+Epilogue__)

The past seven passages are supposed to be read in order bottom to top.

Epilogue

"Would you like a ball with your fish?"

"What?"

"Would you like a ball with your fish?"

I wake up.

A New Light

Now.

Dig.

Eat.

Sleep.

Live.

Through the horrible times.
I see the light.
I feel the warmth.
It welcomes me.

Now that I'm on my own.
I've found ways to make it all so great.
Sure, some are gonna be against it.
All I'm gonna say is "You don't have to be here..."
Finished with everything.
Clocked out at 5.
No over-time.
I have too much of that.
We stand at the top of these rooftops.
Screaming at each other.
I'll know when my times up.
When everything is done.
And when I can finally go home and sleep.
At least I can say, "I marked my time and...Hey...I tried."

Fury Growing

(See Beginning Blog Entries "Beginning Of My Insanity, Striding Towards Destruction, A Talk To Remember")

At this time period.
I was expierencing one hell of a life changing time for myself.
For the better I'd like to add.
At this time, they pushed me away.
Said this and that.
But really it didn't make a difference.
I was growing up.
Sure I had the toys, but I didn't have enough.
And sure enough, I payed my price for it.

Chains

I was schackeled in for a long time.
Jeez, it went by fast.
They all loved to hear it.
Then to turn a cold shoulder to me.
I'm sorry.
I should have kicked myself in the ass.
Don't feed me your false sympathy
I'll give you the truth.
Everything is dead.
So now ya'll welcome me to a town called...
"Hypocrisy."

Faded Ideas

I came to everyone hoping to find someone with ideas.
People that had their own beliefs and could hear mine.
I stumpled across a group of people.
At first, I was a regular at their events.
Some of them had me pegged to be their "love child" of ideas.
At first I thought "This is cool!" (@.@)
As time went on I began to change and say "Uhhh" (>,<)
They gave me anger.
They gave me hate.
They drove a semi on top of my beliefs.
Shot me down before I even left the hangar.
I was stuck.
They had me in a bind where if I left.
They took it personal.
A living memory of being chained down.
Of being cluttered, confused, and not happy.

Lone in Loneliness

At first it was great.
The times seemed like they'd never go away.
Then one day.
He left.
So I was left here with my other "bro"
We made the best of what we had.
Pretty soon though
He'd leave me too.
I was left there all alone.
No one to go to with my thoughts.
Or To hear some crazy ideas.

I began my loneliness period.

Day after day, I was seeking something greater.
Something that could help me through the day.

I needed them yet they weren't enough.
I try to craft them into what I'd been used to.
I fail.
I give up.
I dwell even deeper into loneliness.

Each day that passed I stood there in the doorway looking to the sky.
Hoping that one day it would all be ok.
I realize the reality of it, they wouldn't becoming back.
I had to make it my own.

O

I was always the lonely kid.
In the back, with my mouth closed.
But with my eyes & ears open.
Listening to everything.
I never really belonged to anything.
I knew people, but there was no strong feeling.
Like I was there because I was trying to keep myself up.
I was alone.
Luckily I met a certain person.
We would play all day.
Play & live each day like it was our last.
Time passed.
Another person entered my life.
We formed a brotherhood that attracted others.
We made something of ourselves.

Hitman Name

Johnny Tight Lips People Iced: Thirty Three Car Bombs Planted: Fifteen Favorite Weapon Bottle Rockets Arms Broken: Thirty Two Eyes Gouged: Twenty Nine Tongues Cut Off: Three Biggest Enemy: Joey Diamonds Get Your HITMAN Name

Generation Z?

Whats the next generation gonna be? Because generation X was marked the lazy generation. The generation after that was generation Y, which this site is a product of. A generation of kids growing up questioning authority. A generation growing up on public internet access, no longer just for scientists. Some say this generation started right after the Chernobyl incident. Some say it started as soon as the internet became widely accessable. My only question is what is the next generation gonna be? When will it begin? How life changing will it be? The beginning digital age finally maturing.

Return of The Quizzes!

You scored as Outgoing. You outgoing and you have a very friendly personality. Outgoing 100% Nice 69% Fun 63% Shy 50% Immature 44% Dramatic 19% mean 0% what kind of person are you? (shy,outgoing,fun,mean,immature,dramatic or nice?) created with QuizFarm.com

Today I Turned My Radio On

The piano standing there black and solid. Bold would be the adjective best to describe it. It speaks so softly and yet it has a powerful message with each note played. Yet the piano can be joyfully played to create such a fun and happy time. With each passing minute of the piano played, an emptyness is no longer present. The room glorifies and becomes a place of aura. I look to my left and my right. I see that everything is all right. Everything is back where it belongs. The piano speaks to everyone in its own way.

The Bass & Drums

They stand there looking at each other, they know what they gotta do. They gotta keep things a rollin. The bass allows the deep sound to escape from his/her fingers. The bassist stands with a smile and a message beneath the surface. The drummer keeps the beat groovin and movin. The drums controls the beat of it all, controls the pace of mood and how extreme the feelings can get.

The Guitar

Much like the piano, the guitar is an object that can best release emotion. It can sing so heavenly and then become so dark. Altering its pitches to best capture emotion. The guitarist/s stand with their hidden message within the sound of each string being struck.

The Vocals

In charge of humanly displaying a song's message, the vocalist/s voices are so atuned and so filled with meaning, hence why they become so memorable. Often vocalists find a way to come out and present a meaning with in another life topic. Money, Politics,Friendship, Sports, Popular Activites... are just a few topics in life that many people across the globe partake in and often excel in. The vocalist tells a story and also brings meaning.

High Road

I know its getting old.
But I'm not puttin this shit on because of its beat.
No.
Look at the meaning.
I'm not here to suade anyone to start listening to hip-hop, in fact I dislike most hip-hop/rap.


"High Road"

Lets go ya'll

These people are running off at the mouth
Tryin to convince me that I'm running on empty
Tryin to convince themselves that the record with Jay was a fluke
That the record that I'm makin is a mistake
and I cant take this
Lemme tell you where I'm at with this
You bastards are gonna have to take back that shit
I'm not plastic and fake
When I make tracks I take facts and lay them out for the masses
You assholes are gonna see soon that I'm not playin
Start askin me the names that I'm not sayin
But I'm tryin to be bigger than the bickerin
bigger than the petty name callin
under the breath talkin
rumors and labels and categorization
I'm like a struggling doctor, No patients
But you can say what you want about me
keep talkin while I'm walkin away

You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
I'm taking the high road going above you
this is the last time that I'm gonna trust you
You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
all that bullshit you talk might work a lot
but it's not gonna work today

You people are running off at the mouth
Tryin to make me take myself off safety
Tryin to make my friends turn their backs on the team we built
buildin up some mistaken information
and I cant take this
lemme spell it out plain for you
angry groups complain about the things we do
im not changing direction, I'm stepping my game up
Maintainin my name, the same way I came up
You're gonna see that I'm not playin
start asking the names that I'm not sayin
but im tryin not to mention the names of people who wanna sight and attention
You like the hype but pretendin you're part of the picture wont pass
You're like a high school dropout, no class
You can say what you want about me
keep talkin while i'm walkin away bitch

You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
I'm taking the high road going above you
this is the last time that I'm gonna trust you
You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
all that bullshit you talk might work a lot
but it's not gonna work today

Why does it always have to be
Somebody's always watching me
All I really need is some room to breathe
Is anybody out there listening?
Cuz I cant stand to keep this in
All I really want, I'll say it again

You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
I'm taking the high road going above you
this is the last time that I'm gonna trust you
You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
all that bullshit you talk might work a lot
but it's not gonna work today

Sleep

For too long I've been awake
Staying up and listening to all that "noise"
Hearing everyone's stories
I just wanna sleep
Sleep a whole year
And then some more
I see their downfalls
I see their pleas
I hear their calls
I hear their screams
I just wanna sleep
Dream my dream
There in my own dream
In my dreams, I see things clearly
Even though its imagined in my mind
It feels so heavenly
But its all a matter of time
I just wanna sleep
I don't even have to dream
I just want to sleep
Hurt my body in all the positions I sleep in
Too bad its not gonna happen
But I suppose I can dream.

WTF!?!?

(See Title)

Think

(sigh)
(sigh)
I don't know how to begin.
But eh here we go...

Why do they always think the worst
I mean it could be worse,i could be in a herse.
Thinkin about all of this and that
Its really stupid and outta wack
They all look at me differently
Even though they think different subconciously
I became so lost in their train of thought
I didn't realize what I had just got
Nothing more than a pity act
C'mon I know you're better than that
Could have it your way
But all you wanna do is push me away

The Hard Way

Come with me
Let me walk in through the world that I currently stay in
You can take a look around and tell me if I’m mistaken
You can even talk to everybody that I live with
Maybe you could tell me why everybody’s so distant
Is it me or maybe, when I look around daily
I don’t even know the people I can put my trust in lately
People that I used to hang with now their actin’ to different
I’m still the same person why doesn’t anybody listen
Can somebody please just explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we’d be
Right now I dunno why I push through the pain that I got through
And I’m losin’ hope

[chorus]
Deafening voices
That frequency inside my head that says
I’m going at it the hard way I focus
Get everything inside out of my brain that claims
I’m going at it the hard way

Come with me
Let me walk in through the world that I currently live in
Not a thing is forgotten, not a thing is forgiven
Nobody can hold their own underneath the weight but
Nobody can take the blame for their own mistakes so
What do you do when somebody lets you down
And you wanna say something but you can’t cause their not around
Inside you think they know the extent of the pain
But they won’t even admit that they were the one to blame
Can somebody please just explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we’d be
Cause right now I dunno why I push through the pain that I got through
And I’m losin’ hope

Voices in my head

Can somebody please just explain to me
What happened to the way that we always said we’d be
Right now I dunno why I push through the pain that I got through
And I’m losin’ hope, give me one reason not to

[chorus]

An extraordinary song from FM, written by M. Shinoda

Unce! (Older Post)

Can you feel that? (All right!)
Do you hear that? (Huh!?)
Shake all about (Wha!?)

C'mon now (Get a movin!)
You need it (Start Grovin!)
This is all very true (You need it)

I need this too! (Oh yeah!)
Feel that grove! (Uhh!)
Move to the beat! (It's good for you)

So move on and keep groovin!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Feel this groove? (ah!)
Make your move (all right!)
It'll be all good (Uh!)

Dance into the night
Forget all that shite
And remember who you are

Old Times

Sit down with two of your friends and you flip on the massive television and fire up the box.
Just when you turn on the console you suddenly hear "Serious side affects are prolonged erection."
Look at your friends and then at the TV and then let it all come out.
All the pent up laughter, and the lack of fun just suddenly go away.

The feeling has wallowed
Feel a feeling like no tomorrow.

A Gathering

I've put so must trust in everyone.
And now I know the other side.

I smile.
I get up from the poker table.
And turn when all of a sudden I hear "Hey!....."
I turn, "What?"
"You were cheatin....." He says
"Prove it." I say
He does nothing.
Everyone looks at him and then at me.
I approach him.
WAM! I crush his face with the force from my fist.
He lies there bleeding and holding his face.
Everyone looks at me.
I look at them.
The smell in the air is of unrooted hate.
I was there tryin to have a fun time.
Trying to preserve what I used to love.
They can have it.
All of it.
Because of this new "unrooted hate" has overtaken most of them.
I grab my coat.
I look back at him, lying on the ground.
My most trusted friend at one point.
Now trying to mess up what had been so great.
"How do you all feel? .....great? happy? relieved?" I ask putting a hand on the door handle, looking back at them.
No one replys.
They look away from me.
"I'm finished, I'm done, when he grows a set (points), and when you all decide to have some god forsaken fun! (sarcasim intended) everything will be ok again, when all of you are done with your childish actin and wanna have some fun, thats when I'll come back. But for now, stay the hell away from me, don't try to dilute me anymore like you've all tried to do so many times."
Someone is tugging on my coat.
I don't even look back.
I walk out into the snowy black night.
Open the door to my car.
I fire it up.
I shift into drive and look back at window.
I can see 3 of them looking at me.
I start my way home.

Gone

I've had it with you
Tired of being the only one who is true
Let me fall into the cracks & crevices
Where you won't see me.
Until I go and fuck up your foundation.
Go on, deal with your troubles
I got mine
Lets divide
I'm good enough on my own
I don't wanna see anyone piss & moan
I'll be right where I've always been, singin my own song

But its all gone...
With that old feelin
Feels like a burden
With all that's fallen
But its all gone...
With that old feelin
Feels like a burden
With all that's fallen...


I've always seen you in a different light.
They've always lableled you as the blight.
I see through that.
Even so, its still a thwack to the back.
Makes me go outta wack.
I hang around the home.
Cause I feel so alone.
I'll be right where I've always been, singin my own song.

But its all gone...
With that old feelin
Feels like a burden
With all that's fallen...
But its all gone...
With that old feelin
Feels like a burden
With all that's fallen...

I say "I'm done with this."
Its gonna be pure bliss.
I'm sorry for you
Still in all of that.
Its gonna come back
But I'll be gone

But its all gone...
With that old feelin
Feels like a burden
With all that's fallen...
But its all gone...
With that old feelin
Feels like a burden
With all that's fallen...

A Generation Skipped

My kind.
I was placed into this generation.
Meant to be that one that makes your CD skip.
Go ahead and try make a quick fix.
But really I'm gonna be there messin up your shit.
For everyone even those lonely old hicks.
When actually its the other way around.
You mess up my shit.
My life.
My thoughts.
My heart.
My beliefs.
My style.

Sometimes I just wanna sit and look at it all.
Watch myself go to the window and take a big fall.
Crash on to the cement.
They must think I'm demented.

I'm stuck here, with nothin in mind
But yet I'm always in a bind.
Trying to find the time.
To go and make it all so sublime.
But there you stand, shout at me.
Tellin me what to be.
Its ok.
Go for it.
I'll live to see the next day.
But how about you?

A Talk To Remember

I had been left there in the open plains with the dark sky overhead.
I had lost it all.
I had begun my exile once again.
I still remained there knees in the ground, tears streaming down my face.
A hand touched my shoulder.
I looked over to see who it was.
It was my oldest and most dearest friend.
I had not seen him for a long time now.
He said to me "How's it goin?"
I wiped the tears from my face.
I said to Brad, "Man, I've lost..."
"No, you didn't, you just learned how to express how you feel about things, its ok, I've had to let go of a lot of things." He said that with a coolness to his voice.
I stood there and I felt like my mind had been blown away.
He was true.
I needed to remember who I am.
I needed to let go of it all.
Cut my losses.
So I have done just that.
And now we'll see how that goes.
"You can exist with them, but don't get involved, Don't hold onto something that hurts you Scoots."
He showed me the town.
He showed me his pain.
He showed me his renewed self.
He inspired me to become like that.

***Song That Spoke Miles Upon Miles Upon Me***
Fort Minor "Where'd You Go?"

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.

She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself tryna stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me when I feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbeque up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Hallowe'en with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once in a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
Anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find you have somethin' to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For while you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you'll can sing it...

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

Striding Towards Destruction

I walk forth.
Blindly forth.
Into a mass of mayhem & self-destruction.
I am...
Consumed.
Blind.
Turned Vile.
Suaded.
Hated.
I look at whats in front of me.
They stand and scream my name.
I walk through them.
Ignoring them.
I'm about to reach my self-detonation.
But I hear an old voice.
I turn and see.
I instantly turn and run past the ones I walked through.
I stumble along the way and scream "WAIT! NO DON'T GO!"
The familiar shadow-voiced figure is gone.
I fall to the ground, right on my knees.
I look away towards the ground, tears coming down my face.
The sky turns black.
The stars are burning in the sky's darkness.
I stay there under the dark sky.
With my pain.
Saying "Once again...."

The Beginning Of My Insanity

It begins.
My period of personal hell.
I'm drained.
Hopeless.
Beaten.
Used.
Abused.
Now I feel the pain.
In my eyes.
In my head.
In my heart.
I look to the sky and see that same shade of grey.
Everyday.